Chapter 2: Discussion

“Well this is a right mess we ‘ave ‘ere.”

“Oh, nice showin’ D some sympathy, Murdoc.”

“Shut it, Russel.  Our lead singer just went from a tenor to a soprano.  What else am I supposed to think?”

The band sat around the kitchen table.  The atmosphere of the brightly lit room was suprisingly dreary.  Murdoc looked as if he had just swallowed boiling water.  Noodle quietly sipped on a cup of green tea.  Russel buttered some toast that he hoped 2D would eat.  And 2D, white as a ghost and silent as the grave, just sat listlessly, ignoring Russel’s attempts to feed him.

“Do y’all have any idea what could’ve caused this?”  Russel, tired of being ignored by the singer, just gave up on the toast.

Noodle put her cup down and nodded.

“Well, girl, what d’ya think it could be?” Murdoc asked.  The skeptical look in his eye now gave him a somewhat nauseated expression, as if the boiling water he had seemingly just swallowed did not sit well in his stomach.

Noodle heaved a great sigh and looked at each of her band mates.  After a minute of silent deliberation, she said, “Magic.”

“Magic?  You’ve got to be fackin’ joking!  Magic, pfft!  You might as well say that Father Christmas granted his secret wish to become a woman!”

“Not all magic is fairy dust and flying reindeer, Murdoc-san.”

Murdoc, about to retort, shut his mouth when he saw the girl was serious.

“There is also black magic.  Voodoo, if you will.  Ancient, dark spells that were never meant for the use by mortals.”

“So you think someone put a spell on 2D to turn him tranny?  I have a ‘ard time believin’ that.”  

“You don’t think that someone could’ve magically changed D’s gender?  You’re a damn Satanist, how can you NOT believe in magic?” Russel accused.

“Look, Russ, dark magic doesn’t work that way.  Trust me.  I’ve tried.  There’s no such thing as instantaneous change and conjuring.  You just can’t make things magically happen!  We don’t facking live at bloody Hogwarts, you know.  The supernatural is just a myth.”

Noodle just replied, “There are zombies surrounding the studio.”

“Ah, good point.”

Noodle continued with her explanation after she downed the rest of her tea.  “Yes, there are all forms of magic.  There are the simple prayer-like spells that one can cast to the four cardinal spirits, Earth, Air, Fire and Water.  There are the dark prayers that you cast to Satan, Murdoc,” the bassist rolled his eyes and nodded, “and there are real, true spells that can really be cast, magically.”

“There are books about the first two.  Why aren’t there any books that have those last spells in them,” asked Russel.

“Well, true incantations cannot be printed by a machine.  They must be hand written with a special ink.”

“What kind of ink?”  Murdoc seemed a bit more interested now.

“Um, I am not sure of its complete composition but I do think that it contains goat’s blood and ejaculate from a pure, celibate man.”

“Oh.”

“Heh, looks like you can’t make any of that stuff yourself, Muds.”

“What’re you talkin’ about?  I’d just use your jizz.”

Before Russel could tackle the bassist, Noodle cleared her throat rather loudly and said, “IF I MAY CONTINUE?”  The others nodded and sat back down.  “So, yes, there are real spell books.  But as they are so rare, I am not surprised you have never seen one.”

“I can see that they wouldn’t exactly be available at the Barnes & Noble in Manhattan.”

“Exactly Russel-san.  Very few people have them and even fewer people can read them.  They are written in an ancient language spoken only by a small group of nomadic yak spit drinkers that lived during the time of the reign of Hammurabi-“

“Wait,” Murdoc interrupted.  “How do you know all this?”

“If I told you, Murdoc-san, I would have to kill you.”  Murdoc blinked.  “Now, these people did not like the code that their king set up for them.  The philosophy of, ‘An eye for an eye,’ went against their ethics and belief system.  So they split off from their Sumerian home-land and created a cult with its own language.  They then proceeded to write up many prayers to their new gods in an ink that they created out of found materials.  It seems that at that time,” Noodle smiled, “that priest ejaculate was not that hard to come by.  You see, they did not use the standard cuneiform as they didn’t have clay tablets to write on, so they-“

“I’m sorry to cut off this boring little 'istory lesson but our singer’s not growin' his balls back any faster.  Do you know a way to change ‘im back or not?”

Noodle huffed, bristled, puffed up and then resigned herself to indulging the ADD man.  “Well, fortunately, most spells of this nature are only temporary.  Like, say, they last only a day or so.”

“I’m still wonderin’ who would want to turn 2D into a girl in the first place,” Russel replied.

“Oh, it was probably some super-obsessed fan or somethin’.  Wanted to change D into a bird for some bizarre sexual satisfaction, no doubt.”

“Well, whomever the culprit may be, we should just wait until midnight to see if 2D-kun changes back.  If it does not happen then, then I will find how it happened.  That way, I might be able to find the anti-curse.  But, it could take me a while.”

“Yeah, let’s just wait ‘til midnight.  D, man, who knows?  You might be back to normal by then.”  2D who had spent the entire time staring at a spot on the wall turned his head slowly to Russel and nodded.  He then got up and plonked himself on the couch facing the digital clock in the corner.

“I guess he’s just gonna wait, then.”

“It seems to be so.”

“Good, he’ll be out from under my feet for an entire day!  I can do so much now without his constant annoyances.  Hail Satan!  I owe him a huge bloody sacrifice tonight!”